Child Behavioural Management

There are certain strategies and communication skills that have been proven to work effectively for managing children's problematic or challenging behaviours. These are called "parenting skills." They can be applied by adults other than parents and promote healthy interaction with children and a positive environment for them to grow.

Step 1 — Listen and understand

• Listen to your child: Keep in mind that if you listen to your child, they will listen to you. Whenever you feel there is a problem with your child's behaviour, talk to them. Ask what they are doing and whether they are having any trouble. Assure them that they can share anything with you and that you can offer support.
• Pay attention: Listen closely while they talk. When people feel heard, they share without hesitation. Pause your other tasks, sit at their level, and maintain eye contact — an eye contact that shows compassion, not threat.
• Try to understand them: Focus on the emotions. Children may not always express how they feel, and suppressed emotions can cause irritation and behavioural disturbances. Ask about their feelings and validate them. Don't dictate what is right or wrong to feel; accept their emotion as it is. Communicate your own feelings if necessary — for example, "When you misbehave with me, I feel hurt. I understand you don't intentionally hurt me."

Step 2 — Communicate and set boundaries

• Clear communication: Communicate openly and clearly. Let them finish first, then speak. Use their name, maintain eye contact, and hold their attention. Since children have a shorter attention span than adults, keep it short and simple, and afterward ask what they understood, clarifying if needed.
• Set rules and boundaries: Listening to your children does not mean allowing everything harmful. It is our responsibility to guide them for their betterment by setting age-appropriate rules. Explain the rules in a threat-free, stress-free way, using short, precise directions, and briefly explain why each rule matters — for example, "you can play video games for 30–45 minutes a day," "you can use gadgets for 1 hour a day." Do not impose unnecessary restrictions; set only the rules that are truly needed, and allow some harmless freedom.

Step 3 — Use reinforcement

Reinforcement is anything that increases the likelihood of a desirable behaviour and strengthens it — a small gift, a privilege, or praise. Set a reinforcement schedule for your child, for example: "If you do this, you'll get a delicious snack / an extra 15 minutes of gaming." Make a chart both of you can follow — one list of helpful behaviours to reward (such as following the daily routine) and one list of undesirable behaviours to reduce (such as oversleeping or excessive smartphone use), each paired with an agreed reward. Rewards should be age-appropriate and genuinely motivating for that particular child, since not all rewards suit all children.

Step 4 — Avoid punishment and stay involved

• Avoid punishment: Punishment is occasionally effective but has been shown to be aversive and ineffective most of the time. Use reinforcement instead.
• Spend quality time: Include quality time with your child in your daily schedule, even if only 15 minutes. Discuss topics that interest them, watch their favourite show, play with younger ones, laugh together, and give hugs.
• Parent's self-care: You can care best for your children only when you are in good physical and mental health, so manage your own stress and seek support from others.

For children who already have a mental illness diagnosis, consult a professional, as managing their behavioural changes may sometimes require professional help.